guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
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i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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