dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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