Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
