barbara walters just said penis...
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
i believe in u and ur pee
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
