I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
