your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
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