you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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