i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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