Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
