I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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