I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
