If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
