Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
