what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
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Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
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Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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