And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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