I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
