Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
