he puts the penis in happiness.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
