Kiss
Puke
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
