I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
