he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
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