I would go down on you faster than GM stock
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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