Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
