I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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