I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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