i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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