oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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