God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
