nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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