and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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