it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
