I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
