I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize