Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
