I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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