ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
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