Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You dont lie about slip and slides
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
