All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
