good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
