I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
