Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
