I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
try to milk me bitch
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