When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
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