You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Randomize
