my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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