There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
