dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
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He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
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Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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