All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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