"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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