It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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