my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
