I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
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i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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