Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
