went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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