I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
