i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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