I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
